this is what bald*bastard looks like

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October 8, 2006 at 2:47 pm Leave a comment

yelling in an enclosed space can be very loud indeed

you all probably know by now i’m actively trying to acquire a driving license.

so today, as usual, i went to the centre for my practical lesson.

when i printed out the allocation slip, to my horror of horrors, i realised i was assigned to my fixed instructor even though i’d actively tried to avoid him by making last minute bookings.

so i braced myself for the challenge of keeping my temper in check.

which is a very conscious process that takes more effort than the driving process itself, whenever i’m assigned to him.

one of the rules as a learner driver is lane discipline, which simply means keeping to the extreme left lane all the time unless making a right turn.

so after successfully executing a right turn on the first gear, there were two things i had to do next:

1. accelerate and change gear

2. lane change back to the left lane

previously, i was told i could do the above two in either order, depending on traffic circumstances.

so after checking my rear mirror, side mirrors and blind spot, i proceeded with the lane change before the gear change because the traffic behind me was clear.

halfway through the lane change, the hatchet man yelled at me, asked me why the heck i had changed lanes on a low power gear, and accused me of engaging in road hogging.

in the same loudness that he had yelled at me, i yelled back that another instructor had said i could do the above two in any order, depending on the traffic conditions.

and he yelled back, “no, you answer me, was the traffic behind clear?”

to which i said, “yes, there were no cars in the left lane, but there was a car behind me”

then he said, “that means traffic not clear right? then why you change lane? you should have accelerated, changed to a higher gear then proceeded with the lane change!”

to which i replied, “but another instructor had told me that – ”

he cut in and yelled, “NO, you tell me, did he ever ell you to change lane in gear one?”

i said, “he said if traffic is clear, i can -”

he yelled, “DID HE EVER SAY GEAR ONE – ”

i lost it.

i really lost it.

i hollered back, “YOU ARE UNREASONABLE!”

to which got him really agitated and defensive, “i’m unreasonable? i -”

i lost it.

“YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TO WHAT I’M SAYING!”

note that at this point when we were having our shouting competition within the confines of a shitty honda civic, i was still driving on the main roads.

it was a challenge, my, but it felt so good.

i changed gears with such a vengeance i never felt.

drove with such utless care i never felt.

and it felt so good.

almost crashed his car twice, but hey, in my mind were only thoughts of,  “bloody asshole you better have bought a hell lot of insurance” and “you better standby your brakes because you’re gonna have to pay a hell lot when i crash your car, asshole”

i’m still feeling the high from this afternoon’s drive and shouting match, which is making me start to question my sanity.

who the hell gets high from almost crashing a car?

i told boyfriend about this dramatic encounter and he laughed worriedly.

boyfriend is now pondering over what to do in the future unfortunate circumstances when he would have to be my passenger when i drive. 

and in case you’re wondering, it’s like my ninth lesson i think, and it’s my fourth lesson with the bald bastard.

at the second and third lesson with him, he already pissed me off real bad, but i reigned in my temper.

today i went for the class good-natured and all, even greeted him “good afternoon” only for it all to end up in a stupid shouting match.

at the end of the lesson, he opened up the driving textbook (which by the way is his favourite method of teaching PRACTICAL driving – why the hell do i need to go for practical lessons if reading the bloody book can make me a super driver?!?!) and explained to me what i had *supposedly* learned today.

he ended off by saying, “so, are you still angry with me?”

i said “yes”, grabbed my bag, and walked out of the circuit without looking back.

i just think, that if you have no patience, then please, don’t even attempt to teach.

and i just wanna say, if you are so god-damned good at your job, and you brag about your many years of experience, then why the hell aren’t you a gold instructor, tell me?

what i really learned today:

1. my god, i have a fiery temper

2. but hey, i drive best when angered

3. i still can’t stand stupid people

4. and yes, yelling in an enclosed space can be very loud indeed

October 8, 2006 at 2:46 pm 3 comments

just in case you didn’t know already

viv0*city is opening on 7th october!

if you still don’t believe it, i have pictures to prove it!

  

  

 

 

 

basket, just cos new shopping centre opening, you don’t allow me to go into 0rch*ard-MeRT anymore already is it.

brainless pieces of shit.

where the hell is the ri0tp0lice when you need them.

October 1, 2006 at 2:35 pm 1 comment

the ongoing socio-scientific experiment

i thought since i now look kinda handicapped, i thought i’d try a little socio-scientific experiment, on our much-lauded local public transport system no less.

at the beginning, when the abrasion on my left arm still hurt a hell lot such that it was terribly unbearable, i had to wrap it up using a. soft padded absorbent thingy PLUS b. larger waterproof padded absorbent thingy PLUS c. bandage.

my left arm looked like it was so ridiculously swollen.

and yet, amazingly, in this sorry-looking state, i carried on going for my practical driving lessons.

i travel to the driving centre on the local (crowded, but hey, it’s world-class status!) bus.

i was stupidly thinking, i must look so terribly sorry enough for people to want to give up their seats to me on the bus.

considering

a. my left arm looked so totally swollen it looked like it was going to explode any moment.

b. my arm was all bandaged and plastered up, i looked like i was in no condition to grab hold onto anything to keep my balance if i were allowed to stand throughout the bus journey.

so i bravely decided to embark on my socio-scientific experiment which will definitely benefit mankind.

i started off with the hypothesis that people will give up their seats to you if you look sorry and hopeless enough.

i tested my hypotheses using the casual glance (which may heighten into a fierce glare any moment) approach.

the steps taken were as follows:

1. get onto a crowded bus at peak hour (approx. 1730hrs)

2. fumble while tapping ezlink card (start looking pathetic already!)

3. proceed slowly towards the seats, and glance furtively and sadly, looking like you’re in desperate need of a seat or else you will fall down and look even more bandaged and pathetic than you already are.

NOTE: if no one is kind enough to give up their seats yet, then proceed cautiously to step 4 and beyond.

4. pick a position to stand (since no one want to let me sit) and stare down at the person directly beneath you. stare viciously, yet sorrowfully ( know it’s hard, but hey, i can act!)

NOTE: if the person still doesn’t give way, proceed sorrily to step 5

5. STARE VICIOUSLY until it’s time to alight, and then alight saying “people nowadays, no sense of courtesy *tsktsk*

NOTE: when saying “people nowadays, all no sense of courtesy *tsktsk* i did try to say it in a low but yet slightly audible tone, but i kept my head low, so no one would ever be able to recognise me ever again.

the result of the socio-scientific experiment was that my hypothesis was proven wrong.

i think the result is because:

1. some variables were not kept ceteris paribus e.g. intelligence level and attractiveness of subjects i tested the above hypothesis on – some were uglier, fatter, dumber-looking and more short-sighted than others

2. bus drivers were also a factor which constrained my (brilliant, if i say so myself) acting skills – some bus drivers drove in an F1 manner such that if i were to really act like my hands were so helpless and weak, i would now be typing this in the safety andcomfort of a hospital bed.

3. no one takes much notice of other passengers even though they may be all squashed up on a crowded bus.

NOTE to self: wait till next time i injure myself even more seriously, i will try to test this hypothesis again.

September 29, 2006 at 3:12 pm Leave a comment

freaky friday five (of things gone wrong)

1. went shopping again. basket. considering my current circumstances a. i have no income, and b. there is a regular rapid outflow of cash from my bank account because i’m learning driving currently, topped with c. i just spent 230 bucks last week on my very first gee*star purchase. i’m so f*cked it’s not funny.2. i bought a nice yellow armani exchange top which i like very much! (which is actually not very freaky in nature, but a tad freaky – hey, i never buy armani exchange because i can never seem to afford it!

3. i bought a nice new white hundred percent cotton tee from donnakarennewyork for the boyfriend – which is freaky cos a. it costs more than my armaniexchange top. twice the amount, to be absolutely exact to the cent. ie. i spent more on the boyfriend than on myself. freaky nuff.4. today a record number of people asked me about my current wrapped up status – a grand total of TWO. which is freaky, because on every day so far, the record has only stood at a grand number of ONE. 

5. it’s the official last weekday of the sem hols – F R E A K I E S T ! because i have done nothing this whole week except examine my gross wounds and re-wrapping them day after day.

September 29, 2006 at 2:50 pm Leave a comment

the abrasion chronicles dayfour

so i thought i’d journal in photos of the abrasions, you know, just cos it’s quite a memorable experience.
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the photo above is of my left elbow. it looks kinda gross, with the pus oozing out about 2mm thick. but hey, on sunday the day itseld, it was blood oozing out 2mm thick.

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and this is just what is looks like all wrapped up in some waterproof thingy so i can shower and wash my hands without fear of pain. but honestly, even beneath this supposedly cushion thingy, it still hurts damn bad.

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and this is my right elbow. it’s not as serious as the left, just a minor abrasion, but still photoworthy.other random minor abrasions on my left knee, left thigh, and an evern minor-er abrasion that has scarred my pearl (it’s actually really light grey) croc aspens are not so photoworthy, but still existent.

and it took me only till today, day four no less, that i suddenly realised that there will probably be a big awful ugly scar on my left elbow to mark this tragic flying incident which is even more tragic in nature than the wright brothers’ first fluke flight.

and guess what, i didn’t cry at all the whole of sunday, but i teared and got so terribly frightened at the thought of the potentiall hideous scar today.

damn, i’m vain.

September 27, 2006 at 4:58 pm Leave a comment

i flew.

i really did.

just yesterday, on a sudden whim, boyfriend and i decided to go cyclng and exploring.

when we were approaching this steep downward slope, this buncha teens who have probably not experienced a single funeral in their entire life, sped past me and whizzed down the slope.

after they passed me and all stopped at the bottom of the slope, i went “OH FUCK” for the first time down the slope.

halfway down, and they were still parked at the bottom of the slope, i knew i wasn’t gonna make it.

i yelled “OHFUCK-OHFUCK-OHFUCK-OHFUCK-OHFUCK-OHFUCK..” on and on and on.

and then somehow, i managed to fly off my bike and fling it away at the same time.

i was damn lucky the 2 cyclists who were behind me who were also facing the same steep downward slope, did not crash into me and run me over.

i crashed forward onto the ground, with my chest hitting the ground with a huge bang.

grazed the usual parts – knees thighs elbows.

went to see a doc just to make sure i didnt have internal bleeding or any broken ribs and *woohooo!* got an MC.

whatthehell.

but anyways, i learned a few things that day:

1. i was right, you know. my first thought after i flew and realised that damn there was no way i could hide the injuries from my mum, i went “OHFUCK she’s bound to think i fell off the boyfriend’s motorbike”. and i was right you know. 

2. i was right too, you know, when i was thinking if my mum would be heartless enough, to worry about me beyond my injuries, and worry about the mode of transport *godforbid-motorbike!* sans-flying. damn, she’s heartless.

3. i have a sixth sense, i really do! just before we headed cycling, my left lid twitched continuously for quite a while. i ignored it, and damn, now i realise i shouldn’t have. so now i know, when my left lid twitches, i should just hide at home beneath my comfy blankie and hibernate until tomorrow comes – if it does come, that is.

4. flying is not a good feeling.

5. no more cycling for me. 

September 25, 2006 at 2:31 pm Leave a comment

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