calculating my life

August 6, 2006 at 9:35 am Leave a comment

since thursday,  i have watched 9 out of 12 episodes of theLword season3.

i would have watched all 12 if one of the dvds wasn’t damaged. damn.

and then i watched 15 episodes of this new hk tvb drama serial about lawyers.

in between these dvds, i have of course, also watched numerous hours of television, most of which, of course, is not local programming.

within these (almost) four days, i have also slept at least four grand hours per night.

i have also managed to spend a grand total of eleven bucks on a tee-shirt, just cos its cute.

on the same note, i have also spent tenbucks on a funny pair of pants (if you can even call it pants) just cos it’s cute too.

life has been crawling by me.

work is no longer in my schedule, but i don’t deny my mind is still on it.

i sneaked a quick check at my work email, which miraculously, i can still log on to.

to my dismay, there were (of course!) no new emails.

out of these four days, i stepped out of the house for a while on thursday, to borrow books.

on friday, i stepped out of the house, in an attempt to sit myself at a nice quiet coffee joint and read my day away.

alas, i ended up walking and shopping the whole day away, alone.

speaking of which, i’m getting very comfortable with being alone.

my sister called me twice on friday, asking me where the hell am i and what the hell am i doing alone.

the second time she called, she asked me those same questions, and she wondered what kind of a fuckedup person i must be.

i like being alone, really.

my overactive mind and imagination alone are noisy enough for me to have to deal with, i sometimes think.

but it’s good, you know, to spend some time alone, with yourself, with myself, for that matter.

to think things through.

to be quiet, and to reflect.

the last ninemonths have been a lifechanging experience.

i’m still me.

but a new me.

with new experiences that have scarred me permanently.

i’m looking forward to going back to school again.

but not because i love school though.

but because i see it as an escape from the world that i had been living in the past ninemonths.

do you believe in the existence of a hell?

what do you imagine hell to be like?

that was my hell for the past ninemonths.

i have seen unbelieveable things the past ninemonths.

i have sinned in the past ninemonths.

and so now, i look forward to going back to school again.

to leave behind the life that i have led the past ninemonths.

to be me, to be whole again.

when i left that place, that very night, i left a piece, even pieces, of me behind, in that godforsaken place.

i’m not picking up those pieces again.

i’m moving on, and never looking back.

and so tomorrow is a brand new day, a fresh start, a blank slate, a new beginning.

and i am going to live again.

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Entry filed under: dailies.

this is embarrassing but i’ll still say it anyway theLword (three)

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