this is embarrassing but i’ll still say it anyway

August 2, 2006 at 6:14 am Leave a comment

and so it was a wrap as they would call it, yesterday. i finished up my medialogging, as i have been doing the past week, and left the office at 3am. i remember, 2 weeks ago, or sometime then, i’d told myself, that hey, i’m better. but at the end of every shoot, i learn new things about myself, and then i get worse again. i learned yesterday, that treating people nicely doesn’t mean they will treat you nicely back. the fat that they have managed to survive in this shitty corporation for so long, must mean they must be slimy in some manner to maintain their position. i should have known. and so i thought i’d gotten better after the meetups with real life people out of my reel life. but the shoot has once again taken its toll on me. i tried to take this shoot less seriously, i did. so that, you know, i’d be able to stay calm, and keep to the “don’t panic” mantra. but i learned, i still have a temper. i kept my head firmly on my shoulders though. all that kept running through my mind the past few days was “what do i have to do next”. and that kept me going until the final wrap yesterday. i held myself together when the dop said “thanks, we’ll miss you.” i pulled myself together for the final medialog, and i thought, hey i survived. but on the taxi on the way home, thoughts of the past 9 months flooded my mind. and then i burst it and cried uncontrollably. the taxi driver must have thought i was mad. today, i think i’m losing it again. tomorrow, i’m going to sign myself up for driving, watch dvds at home, buy a new novel, play the piano, and try to keep myself as sane as can be.


Entry filed under: dailies.

on a more intellectual note calculating my life

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August 2006
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