goodbye

July 2, 2006 at 1:13 am 1 comment

i just want to say, that i’m pretty convinced now that it’s about time for me to leave the industry.

one year from now, when i’m done with school, it’s time to seek out new forms of work.

for the past two years, i have been so fixated on work in this industry, thinking of ways, and working really hard to breakthrough from an intern, breakthrough from a prodtnasst.

things happened along the way, i made friends along the way, i made major booboos along the way.

and i’m very thankful i had the boyfriend by my side all this while to guide me along, sometimes encouraging me, or simply just listening to me.

along the way too, i’ve seen friends and people i admired leave the industry, and it hit me really bad.

a while ago, i was already thinking, when will it be me?

just about 8 months ago, i made my so-called first major breakthrough, became as asstdirector for a kiddy chinese drama.

i thought that was it, my very first break.

i worked really hard that 1.5months, tried so so so very hard.

but i was ultimately very inexperienced.

i wouldn’t go so far to say i was bullied, but i was unhappy.

the work was tough, i had to handle people who were way more experienced than me, but at least there was some semblance of brotherhood that kept me going.

it was those times when my production manager, seeing me still in the office at 9pm, coercing me to let her send me home even though she didn’t live anywhere near me.

she treated me like her little daughter, patiently guiding me along.

it was small moments like those that kept me going.

then, even though i was unhappy, i felt human.

then i joined this impersonal bureaucratic institution, and i was very unhappy.

i have no friends here, i can’t find my brotherhood anywhere.

nobody trusts anybody here.

all i felt in here was loneliness and fear.

and i still don’t know why i stayed on.

i think it’s because i like work too much.

i just can’t imagine what i can do with a twomonthbreak.

and so i signed on the dotted line.

recent events have shown me that maybe i can’t handle so many things after all.

and i am all the more convinced that this bureaucratic impersonal institution is not the place for me.

i somehow am made to feel less than human here.

and i’ve thought pretty long and hard about this decision, and it’s really not as impulsive as it sounds.

i think i’m leaving this industry for good.

but, that said, i still owe a lot of people for the help they have given me, and the trust they have placed in me.

and if and when they need my help again, i will still offer whatever help i can offer, because i still believe in the brotherhood that had kept me going.

i miss my band of brothers.

but we can’t always have things our way.

i can’t always work with my same band of brothers all the time.

i will miss them very very much.

but i think it’s about time to move on and leave behind my follies of youth.

so here’s a formal goodbye to all that i believed in and loved and fought hard for the past two years.

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Entry filed under: dailies.

what you don’t do a rest day or so it seemed

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. LiSh  |  July 2, 2006 at 2:14 pm

    I’m convinced if you feel this way it’s not “the industry”, so stop blaming the universe when probably what doesn’t click is you and the company.

    Obviously you were once happy when it was some place else.

    Reply
  • 2. LiSh  |  July 2, 2006 at 2:15 pm

    Other than that… 🙂 I’m here. Not leaving but probably gonna do something else as well. Hugs and miss you.

    Reply

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