Archive for May, 2006

the msn chat

and so while waiting for my work to start on a saturday, i sit here and have a little msn conversation with a friend.

and she says, stop working lah.

i said, i find it hard to say no. 

and she says, you have to learn to start saying no instead of just complaining.

but i still find it hard to say no.

and then the topic drifted on to being about work, work in the media industry in particular.

she questioned me about leaving the media industry.

and i say i can't, i'm too addicted to it.

and it's true you know, i want to leave, and yet don't want to leave at the same time.

the past week, when i fucked up day after day, even fucked up something as simple as medialogging.

i thought, maybe it's a sign.

maybe i'm not meant for this.

thing is, i've fucked up before.

but fucking up day after day is demoralizing.

draining.

until whatever little shreds of confidence i had built up in the past months, just suddenly went

*poof*

and so she says she's tired of work, wants to leave for a year.

and she really means leave, like fly away.

i felt saddened by the thought.

thing is, i love my work.

i really do.

even when the boyfriend says he hates drama shoots.

i get upset.

because i live for drama shoots and feature films.

and commercials too – but more for the eye-opening factor and of course the moolah.

(hey i got bills to pay.)

so anyways, i love my work. i live for feature films, for drama shoots.

i like the continuity, and i like seeing my band of brothers, getting used to them, seeing them for 30days on end, spending time after shoot going out for meals with them, going for movies with them, going for karaoke sessions with them…

i like getting to know them bit by bit, knowing what food they like to eat…

and i remember what i thought about when i was on my very first shoot.

then, i felt like i belonged.

i looked around me, and these people surrounding me, they were strange, incomplete, fragmented people.

and in that strange company, i felt like i fitted in.

because i was (and still am) pretty darn strange as a person, and fragmented as a person.

but as time went by, it became more of real work to me, rather than a social gathering.

and of course, fitting in with the group or not slowly got thrown out of the equation.

it became a simpler equation, something like:

i'm available + got pay = work

and then i recall other people i know, who are slowly but surely dropping out of the industry, and i think to myself, how much more time do i have?

how much more time do i have to discover myself?

to find myself?

and to slowly but surely extricate myself from this so-called work?

i'm a workaholic.

i think everyone but me knew that.

i only found out last week when i realised in a down and out moment that i had been working 16hour days and 7day weeks based on the equation

work = me

and so now, i've seen the light.

it's still hard to say no.

but i'll try harder.

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May 27, 2006 at 4:33 am 2 comments

lovestory (updated)

i chanced upon channelnewsasia on teeveemobile today morning on my way to work.

and so i chanced upon the morning news interview with tittyericia, kelvinthebright and ladyinblack.

then i chanced upon the bit where they interview tittyericia.

i chanced upon the interview question which was "what was your role like" (or something that meant this)

and tittyericia replied "she's aggressive yaddayadda" (or something that meant this but i'm sure she said aggressive)

here's the lowdown.

1. i don't know why they bothered to interview her. her role was purely minor. i repeat, minor

sure, she had speaking lines, but so?

2. mustve been the tits factor. 

when they decided to cast her, and when they decided to interview her, comeon, it must have been the tit factor. 

tittyericia can't speak, let alone act.

hello?!?!? act?!?! i think we're demanding too much from titty here ….

May 25, 2006 at 2:30 pm Leave a comment

hardboiled wonderland and the end of the world

and so i have successfully reached the end of the world.

or rather, 

i have just finished reading murakami's hardboiled wonderland and the end of the world.

and the novel ends at the end of the world.

seriously.

before i begin my review, i just want to talk about the strange manner in which i am slowly but surely acquiring a small murakami shrine at home.

i started off a long time ago wanting to read norwegian wood.

so i went to the local foreign bookstores in search of norwegian wood.

but alas it was out of stock.

so instead i acquired kafka on the shore.

which i liked very much too.

and then i thought, hey, maybe i should get acquainted with kafka too.

and so i popped by the local foreign bookstore again in search of a kafka book.

i bought metamorphosis and it has since been gathering an inchthick of dust on my cluttered desk at home.

so i decided it's not working, i should seek out norwegian wood once again.

and so i went to the bookstore in search of norwegian wood and this book which i needed as a prop.

i left the bookstore with the prop book 

as well as hardboiled wonderland and the end of the world.

and that's how i acquired the book and my soon-to-grow murakami shrine.

on to the review.

i liked it very much indeed.

but some parts really lost me, like when the professor started to explain in (pseudo) scientific/mathematical/theoretical/biological jargon what his brain functions were like, i must admit, i must have gotten lost in the 3 switches that made up his brain functions.

but it was beautiful, how murakami described the workings of the mind.

and it was beautiful, the analogies to life.

i also liked how he talked about our shadows, heavy and burdensome, sharing portions of our memories with us, having "mind", and chaining us to the ground.

i also liked the "perfect" world where there is "everything" and "nothing" all at the same time.

and i think that end of the world is somewhere utopian where we sometimes dream of, think of, imagine, but never really dare to live in forever.

because we can't relinquish "mind" and memories.

and hardboiledwonderland shared the same narrative structure as kafka on the shore.

two parts of the book written in alternate chapters, two worlds finally coincide and collide such that the two parts become a cohesive whole again.

after conquering kundera, i shall now seek to conquer murakami.

next up, norwegian wood.

really.

PS: i wish i could end off with some quotes from the book but i have unfortunately left it in the office. will post some other time.

May 25, 2006 at 2:23 pm 1 comment

vagabonds

and so yesterday we sat down so ta-glamly in a small dingy corner at the MDCcarpark because the diva says she's been too the canteen too many times in that short while it's a tad embarrassing.

that little dingy corner where we sat down for about an hour and talked and talked on end.

that little dingy corner that is so private yet so public.

so many people walked by, and we said hi up to them from that low crouched down angle where we sat.

from afar we must have looked like two down and out vagabonds, but we knew better.

we just didn't care.

in those moments, nothing mattered but what the conversation was about.

didn't matter how ta-glam or how pathetic we must have looked to others.

midway through, the diva asked me, "do you have to be somewhere?"

i said, "no. i have to be home for dinner. but i'm not hungry."

and we just talked on end.

and she said, "you know, sometimes you shut yourself out too much."

and i said, "i know. i'm scared of people, scared they will disappoint."

my honesty took me aback at that moment. 

those words, those sentiments that i had been feeling, i'd forgotten for a long time.

they ceased to have existed consciously in my mind, and only resurfaced again in that spurious moment of open conversation.

so i still remember.

and so the time came for us to leave our dingy little corner. 

we arose from the ground, patted our cute little asses a little to get rid of the dust and then each went on our way.

******

when i officially left my office table to meet the diva, it was drizzling.

and when i officially took leave of the diva, it was still drizzling.

so i did what most normal rational people would do.

i packed myself into a cab and set off home.

i'd kept myself totally dry most of the way, because even the way to the taxi stand was sheltered.

until i paid my cabfare, and alighted.

alas.

i plunged my nice bronze birks into a big puddle of water.

boohoo. 😦

May 23, 2006 at 2:40 pm Leave a comment

so dark the con of man

i don't understand how some people can be so selfish and flatly refuse to help you one moment and the next moment ask you for help.

sounds to me incredible.

May 23, 2006 at 2:24 pm Leave a comment

da vinci code

first of all i want to say that i have not read the book, so i will not make silly comments like "wow the movie was shorter than the book" or unimaginative comments like "Professor TeaBing does not look at all like anything i had imagined him to be!"

to be very honest, i was bored by it. at the beginning, at least.

but after the dynamic duo met profteabing, things took a turn for the better, and i felt more involved in the movie, felt more excited in their search.

what i didn't like :

1. did not like the whole sequence whereby princess-sophie was driving furiously away from the embassy in her obviously productplacementcar through tiny gaps in the traffic. too frantic for my liking.

2. did not like the pacing before they met profteabing. too slow. they must have waited like at least a whole twoseconds before each person finished their line before they took their line. when i was watching it felt like this : 

robert – who are you? 

*twowholelongsecondsthatfeltlikeeternity* 

princess-sophie : PS means princess sophie.

too slow! move on! chop chop!

3. do not like tom hank's hairdo. if you've read the book, please educate me if it was described in the book this is how his hair is supposed to look like. else i'm inclined to believe it's what i call the baldingoldman syndrome. men reach a certain age, drop a certain innumerable amount of hair too frequently and they decide to grow whatever hair they have left to as long and ugly a length as they possibly can thinking that the long slimy (sometimes curly too) pony tail will distract us from the great shiny receding-right-this-moment-while-i'm-staring-at-it bald patch right in front of our eyes.

not working, old man.

what i liked:

1. liked the superimposition whenever baldingrobert tried to explain about ancient myths. beautifully done.

2. i think the director felt a strong connection for the character silas. somehow, the shots of silas felt more emotional than others, were more memorable than others, and felt to me as more well-thought-out and more beautiful than the others. maybe it's just me.

3. silas. nuff said. 

ok.

silas rocked. liked the character very much. liked the look of the character very much. liked the acting very much. i felt for the character very much.

honestly, i was worried the show would have a sequel when the pacing was so painfully slow and things were building up so slowly before they went to seek out profteabing and i also caught myself desperately checking the time when i was two hours into the show. but overall, i quite liked the movie. beautiful most of the time, but some parts, like i mentioned, pacing could have been tightened.

PS: silas rocks. 

Disclaimer: this is just a totally personal egocentric self-fulfilling narrow-minded subjective review on my part. just so you know.

May 23, 2006 at 2:23 pm 1 comment

boooo :(

and so i just messaged yingthehot asking her "lunch?"

yingthehot replies that she can't cos she's at an interview how about tea?

and so i say "haoba :("

and then she replied politely "ta ma de"

does she hate me? you think?

ta ma de 😦

May 19, 2006 at 3:59 am Leave a comment

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