this hasn’t happened in a while, and i’m quite glad it’s happened.

taking a backseat and being able to initiate meetings with people brings me much joy.

and so, in anticipation of boredom, and of people not being to accompany me, i bought a book.

it was a tossup between a bimbo read and a real novel cos both cost about the same price.

both bring me joys, but of different nature.

the bimbo read brings me much brainless joy, and may in turn cause more outflow of money, as it always highlights more needs which i have to acquire.

so in the end i chose the real novel.

and it’s truly a real novel, written by salman*rushdie the great.

it’s called shalimar the cl0wn.

i can’t see the end of even chapter one yet, so i can’t tell if its good or not at the moment.

but it should be.

the synopsis itself sounds hilarious, sounds like a political satire.

i think i might potentially enjoy it.

and then just the other day it dawned upon me that my life has changed upon buying a pair of jeans.

that pair of jeans that has given me a newly warped sense of shopping reality.

nowadays i can shop at calvin*klein*jeans at ease, feeling fully aware that i can potentially afford almost anything that i might potentially like.

it’s a good feeling.

but also a scary feeling.

i think i need to try and recall the days before that pair of jeans and spend my money more prudently, considering i’m totally jobless at the moment.

had breakfast with tiffany’s today.

twas fun and relaxing at the same time.

feels good to have nowhere to rush to, nothing in particular to have to complete soon.

felt good to be so careless and carefree.

i think i like being jobless. yippeeyay.

yippee! yay me!

here’s how i accomplished this feat:

1. wake up just in time to head to school for fyp meeting.

2. hang around school just to pay people money.

3. wander around the neighbourhood heartland mall, to buy much-needed saline, and walk aimlessly around, just because-

4. join the ridiculously long queue for halfprice curry puff just because the queue was long, and because i thought, hey, maybe my parents might like some cheap curry puff tonight.

5. come home kick back relax and watch dvd while eating a late lunch.

6. feed doggies chickywing!

7. paint my nails neon pink, just because -

8. cook dinner for the doggies.

9. sit down here and type and ponder whether i should call my neighbours out for supper tonight just so i can end the day without having flipped my books at all.

and really, this is quite a feat for today.

imagine i had to do so much just  to run away from studying.

yesterday, all i did to run away from studying was to shower and blowdry the 2 doggies, and that took up my entire day.

tomorrow, tomorrow i will study. i really will.

and since we’re all in the spirit of giving since Christmas is just round the corner,

and i know how you all desperately want to earn brownie points, and being a good friend is one of the many ways, 

here’s how i’ll help you be a good kid so santa will give you presents too.

i’ll provide you a useful list of things to buy for my birthday!

arranged in no particular order because i want them all:

1. a driving license.
i know no one can help me with this but myself, but hey, at the rate i’m going, i think i’m gonna need some financial aid to finish the lessons and also in anticipation of test date two.

2. a car.
since we’re at it, mught as well get me a car, you know, just to encourage me to get my license sooner.

3. a new wardrobe.
my clothes are spilling out and my wardrobe is iliterally falling apart! the doors can’t close! on the bright side, i’m trying to con this out of my parents at the moment.

4. mac lifestyle.
and i mean it in the techgeek way, not the bimbo way. i want a g5 desktop, a macbook, plus an ipod video with an attachable microphone. heck, might as well throw in an i-dog, just for the heck of it.

5. laura*mercier tinted moisturiser.
i’ve been eyeing this for the longest time, and honestly, i’d kinda forgotten about this delectable object of desire until a taiwanese trashy bimbo magazine program i just watched tonight reminded me of the wonders and beauty of it. i need to have it to look pretty!6. a medium size bag.
i don’t know how many of you have heard about my stupid quarrel with the boyfriend about the ridiculousl big size of my big carryall black bag. so i concluded that the solution to all our problems and quarrels will be for me to get a medium size bag, then we won’t quarrel anymore. please buy me a medium size bag, preferably the shapeless kind, so i won’t have mindless quarrels with the boyfriend anymore! 

7. cash.
loads of it. just cos ya never know when ya gonna need it. nuff said.

8. G*star
i love it! from the jeans to the t-shirts to the shirts to the belts. buy me some!

9. shopping vouchers.
from gue$$ d.k.n.y. la$enza d|ese| arman| c.k. t0mmy …

PS: this list is far from exhaustive. will update when i can. suggestions are perfectly welcome.

and honestly, i was terrified when i went to work.

atmosphere didn’t feel right, familiar faces weren’t many.

so at the beginning i was struggling, and i felt awkward and tense.

i’m used to getting instructions or just doing things by myself.

so it felt really strange, for the first time, to give instructions to people who were supposedly under my charge.

i realised that being able to give other people instructions really isn’t one of my strongest points.

it’s really hard you know, especially when you’re giving instructions to people older, and *ahem* bigger in size than you.

it’s quite a dwarfing experience.

but by and by, i started to feel more and more at ease and in place, as more familiar faces popped up.

so that was good i guess.

i realise i have this ridiculously bad habit of getting too comfortable in my comfort zones.

i love it when im surrounded by ppl i love, and people whom i know for sure love me back.

i feel awkward and ill at ease when im surrounded by people whom i don’t know, who seem hostile.

and then im the sort that isn’t good at initiating conversation – i wait for people to come talk to me – which is pretty bad sometimes.

but on the bright side, i’m glad the shoot went pretty well from my point of view.

we wrapped on time, so that’s always good.

and im sorry to disappoint tiffy and li*cia, that there’s prob not gonna be a re-shoot of a reshoot …

i remember how after working non-stop since last nov, i was glad to take a breather and return to school.

but somehow, it felt a bit weird being back in school. felt a bit out of place, didn’t know who to talk to, or who to say what to.

but that problem was somewhat easily solved, as most of my time afterward was turned towards the finalyearthingamajig, so i talked to my groupmates.

then there was the nationalday lunch thingy with the ex-colleagues, which i had initially looked very much forward to.

but i felt out of place there too that day, because they were all still working, while i was different.

i was a student while they were all media professionals and i could no longer claim to be one of them.

that was a thoroughly weird period for me.

and then two weeks or so into school, i quickly got bored with school and was raring to go in the workfront again.

was approached by the ex-boss with a job offer, which i initially accepted spuriously, but has now ended up in nothingness on one hand, and promises of the future on the other hand.

then, just last week, in the midst of all the hustle and bustle of schoolwork and impending examinations, i actually went to work.

just for one precious day, i went back to work.

it was fun, and brought back many memories, but yet, i still felt strangely out of place.

and so i came and went, just like how the day came and went.

nothing especially eventful, in my opinion, but may have potentially sparked off my recent conversations with the ex-boss.

and so the exams.

i’m feeling a tad unsettled, and it’s gotten quite hard for me to sit down properly and study seriously, even though there’s only two examinable subjects this semester whyohwhy.

i have come to the (sad) realization that it is probably due to the million other thoughts running through my head.

strange as it may sound, i dream of media law, but when im awake and at my desk, my thoughts run amok of television programs (superstar II, csi supreme sunday, tvb dramas, taiwan varieties…), thefinalyearthingamajig and work.

recently work has resurfaced again in my thoughts and it has made me thoroughly confused and troubled.

i remember vividly, how, in august, i had sworn off work, and contemplated changing industries even.

but now, as the holidays are drawing near, and graduation seems to be almost within my grasp, my thoughts have turned to the elusive future.

i have been receiving smses and phone calls with job opportunities which were tempting, but unfortunately, none that i could take up so far because of finalyear commitments.

but come january, things may be different altogether.

then may come a time when i have to make serious decisions and choices. and i can only hope for the wisdom, courage, and foresight to choose the right path to take.

the unforeseeable future is troubling. but then again, how exciting is a future if it is predictable.

so today, as usual, i went to the centre for my practical lesson.

when i printed out the allocation slip, to my horror of horrors, i realised i was assigned to my fixed instructor even though i’d actively tried to avoid him by making last minute bookings.

so i braced myself for the challenge of keeping my temper in check.

which is a very conscious process that takes more effort than the driving process itself, whenever i’m assigned to him.

one of the rules as a learner driver is lane discipline, which simply means keeping to the extreme left lane all the time unless making a right turn.

so after successfully executing a right turn on the first gear, there were two things i had to do next:

1. accelerate and change gear

2. lane change back to the left lane

previously, i was told i could do the above two in either order, depending on traffic circumstances.

so after checking my rear mirror, side mirrors and blind spot, i proceeded with the lane change before the gear change because the traffic behind me was clear.

halfway through the lane change, the hatchet man yelled at me, asked me why the heck i had changed lanes on a low power gear, and accused me of engaging in road hogging.

in the same loudness that he had yelled at me, i yelled back that another instructor had said i could do the above two in any order, depending on the traffic conditions.

and he yelled back, “no, you answer me, was the traffic behind clear?”

to which i said, “yes, there were no cars in the left lane, but there was a car behind me”

then he said, “that means traffic not clear right? then why you change lane? you should have accelerated, changed to a higher gear then proceeded with the lane change!”

to which i replied, “but another instructor had told me that – “

he cut in and yelled, “NO, you tell me, did he ever ell you to change lane in gear one?”

i said, “he said if traffic is clear, i can -”

he yelled, “DID HE EVER SAY GEAR ONE – “

i lost it.

i really lost it.

i hollered back, “YOU ARE UNREASONABLE!”

to which got him really agitated and defensive, “i’m unreasonable? i -”

i lost it.

“YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TO WHAT I’M SAYING!”

note that at this point when we were having our shouting competition within the confines of a shitty honda civic, i was still driving on the main roads.

it was a challenge, my, but it felt so good.

i changed gears with such a vengeance i never felt.

drove with such utless care i never felt.

and it felt so good.

almost crashed his car twice, but hey, in my mind were only thoughts of,  ”bloody asshole you better have bought a hell lot of insurance” and “you better standby your brakes because you’re gonna have to pay a hell lot when i crash your car, asshole”

i’m still feeling the high from this afternoon’s drive and shouting match, which is making me start to question my sanity.

who the hell gets high from almost crashing a car?

i told boyfriend about this dramatic encounter and he laughed worriedly.

boyfriend is now pondering over what to do in the future unfortunate circumstances when he would have to be my passenger when i drive. 

and in case you’re wondering, it’s like my ninth lesson i think, and it’s my fourth lesson with the bald bastard.

at the second and third lesson with him, he already pissed me off real bad, but i reigned in my temper.

today i went for the class good-natured and all, even greeted him “good afternoon” only for it all to end up in a stupid shouting match.

at the end of the lesson, he opened up the driving textbook (which by the way is his favourite method of teaching PRACTICAL driving – why the hell do i need to go for practical lessons if reading the bloody book can make me a super driver?!?!) and explained to me what i had *supposedly* learned today.

he ended off by saying, “so, are you still angry with me?”

i said “yes”, grabbed my bag, and walked out of the circuit without looking back.

i just think, that if you have no patience, then please, don’t even attempt to teach.

and i just wanna say, if you are so god-damned good at your job, and you brag about your many years of experience, then why the hell aren’t you a gold instructor, tell me?

what i really learned today:

1. my god, i have a fiery temper

2. but hey, i drive best when angered

3. i still can’t stand stupid people

4. and yes, yelling in an enclosed space can be very loud indeed

if you still don’t believe it, i have pictures to prove it!

  

basket, just cos new shopping centre opening, you don’t allow me to go into 0rch*ard-MeRT anymore already is it.

brainless pieces of shit.

where the hell is the ri0tp0lice when you need them.